do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
