Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
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I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
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Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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