so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
