when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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