I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
