I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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