The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
