i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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