We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
