i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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