I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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