Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
This house was built for laser tag.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
