there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dick very happy bro
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
