He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
