Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
