So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
