think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My vagina just recognized that song.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
