she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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