I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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