so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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