I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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