As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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