the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I forget how to act sober
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
