just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
