she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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