i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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