Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
