Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
