i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
