My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
