I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Randomize
