Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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