Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We are all done wearing pants today
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
