Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
