So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
one might say we're banned from that church
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
