Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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