Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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