I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
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I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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