dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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