I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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