i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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