Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
