i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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