Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
