Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
