I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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