So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
