So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
