I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
