dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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