Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
