Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize