Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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