goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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