Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
