dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Randomize
