I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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