i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
