you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
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i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
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I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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