The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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