dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
