oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
