I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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