In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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