Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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