I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well I just put wine in my tea
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
