gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
