he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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