even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
