i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
