My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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