why didn't you poke me back
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
