were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
