Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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