She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
