operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
