I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
