I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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